


Crackity crack

by nerdsirius



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, F/M, Humor, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Not Serious
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:29:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25183300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdsirius/pseuds/nerdsirius
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Lily Evans Potter/Severus Snape, Petunia Evans Dursley/Severus Snape, Regulus Black/Severus Snape, Remus Lupin/Severus Snape
Comments: 7
Kudos: 26





	1. Chapter 1

Lily: I know you love me severus, but I love james and I will marry him.

James: ya suck it snivellus

Severus: um.. I don't love you Lily. Congratulations?

Lily: WHAT do you mean you don't love me???

James: Ya Lily is the most beautiful girl. How can you not love her????

Severus: um..Sorry?

Lily (weeping): But we always played together when we were children and you always said that you loved to spend time at my home!!!

Severus: Ya.. about that.. I kinda love your sister..she is so beautiful.

Lily: WHAT!!! How can love my sister!!!! I am more beautiful than her! Tell him Potter!!

James(dutifully): Ya Lily is most beautiful

Severus: No sorry. Bye

Lily: Nooooooooo


	2. Chapter 2

Lily: I know you love me severus, but I love james and I will marry him.

James: ya suck it snivellus

Severus: um.. I don't love you Lily. Congratulations?

Lily: WHAT do you mean you don't love me???

James: Ya Lily is the most beautiful girl. How can you not love her????

Severus: um..Sorry?

Sirius: Snivellus thinks Lily is a mudblood. Don't you death Eater scum??? You are above him Lily. 

Lily (weeping): I thought you loved me!! How can you severus!!! 

Severus: actually umm I am gay.

Lily: WHAT!!!!

Sirius: You can be anything Snivellus, but nobody will love you. 

Severus (smug): Your brother is my fiancee.

James: WHATTTT!!!

Sirius: Noooooooo!!


	3. Chapter 3

Lily: I know you love me severus, but I love james and I will marry him.

James: ya suck it snivellus

Severus: um.. I don't love you Lily. Congratulations?

Lily: WHAT do you mean you don't love me???

Sirius (snorting): Liar. You always keep staring, you slimy pig

James: Ya Lily don't think about him 

Severus: I love someone else. You are not my type.

James: WHAT DO YOU MEAN. Lily is everyone's type!!

Sirius: You are gay Snivellus?

Severus: Umm no. I am into beastility.

Silence

James, Lily, Sirius : WHAT

Severus: I saw this beautiful werewolf the other day in shrieking shack. He was so breathtaking.

Remus(blushing): Oh

James, Lily, Sirus : Nooooooooooo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should get tested for insanity.


	4. Chapter 4

Lily: I know you love me severus, but I love james and I will marry him.

James: ya suck it snivellus

Severus: OH Wow! Congratulations Lily! I am so happy!!! Will you marry right after Hogwarts?

Lily: um yes

Severus: That's awesome!

Lily(crying): How can you say that!! I thought you loved me. Don't you care about me at all?

James: I will kill you Snivellus. Tell her you love her.

Severus: um sorry? I don't like Lily like that.

Lily: What do you mean?? Since dad died you have been tripping over to come over to my home. I thought you loved me! How can you do this to me!!!

Severus: Ya .. about that.. I am into MILFs.

James: Who is this MILF? What does that mean? Lily is more beautiful than anyone.

Severus: Milf is mother I'd like to fuck and I'd really like to fuck Mrs Evans.

James and Lily: WHATTTT

Severus: I am going to be your daddy!!

Lily: Nooooooooooooo


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am back

Lily: I know you love me severus, but I love james and I will marry him.

James: ya suck it snivellus

Severus: um.. I don't love you Lily. Congratulations?

Lily: WHAT do you mean you don't love me???

James: Ya Lily is the most beautiful girl. How can you not love her????

Severus: um..Sorry?

Lily(weeping): how can you do this to me!!?? We have been childhood best friends!!

Severus: Chill girl. I am just a teenager, I wanna live life, become renowned in potions, travel places..(dreamy face)

Lily: What!!! You want to leave Britain!!! You want to go away from me???!!! Tell him James!

James(dutifully): Yes, nobody can stay away from lily.

Severus: You can be annoying sometimes. Sorry. Bye

Lily: Noooooooooooo

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know


End file.
